The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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