Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize