The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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