We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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