Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
