i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
