Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am naked and annoyed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
