Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
