Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
