i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
