Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
