he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
