Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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