I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize