Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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