Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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