so explain again why im purple
no
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
