They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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