she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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