they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
