Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
