I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize