Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
