You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
