Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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