all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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