i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
