i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
