what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
