2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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