I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
