He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
