who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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