I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
