Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
