i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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