A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
