she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
