he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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