Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
