I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
