I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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