we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
