How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
