I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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