I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish you could order shots online.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
