goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
