Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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