Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
