Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize