I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
