Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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