The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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