I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
