I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She's like a pop up book from hell.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina is officially offended.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
