Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
