Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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