just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
