Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
