I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
