I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
