You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
