Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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