You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
