I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
