Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
