He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
