The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
