who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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