ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
