I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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