Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
