So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
