I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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