Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
