I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
