u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
