Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
