I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
