I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize