dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
