I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
