i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
