you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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