I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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