I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
