Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
