at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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