your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
