College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize