it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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