Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
