i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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