She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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