i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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