I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize