I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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