He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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