i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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