it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
