Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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