how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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