I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
is it fun? or sober?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
