I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
