Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
