i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
