Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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