Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize