NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
