whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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